Sleeping with the Enemy

Well it’s over…it’s finally come to a end. The discard phase has been extremely violent and chaotic. I was actually uncomfortable being in the same house with him knowing things had ended on such bad terms. Now I can relate to the Julia Robert’s movie, “Sleeping with the Enemy,” because that’s what we had become. At that point, I couldn’t put nothing pass him. I felt like he was capable of anything. If he was comfortable continuously displaying violence, threatening me, verbally attacking me over the smallest of disagreements, putting other people before me and even lying to me, then setting me up, to have me hurt, would be a piece of cake. It’s like he just flipped a switch. One week he loved me, and was making plans for the future, the next week he hated me. This was no surprise for me because I knew it was coming years ago. I seen it miles away. He had turned all of his friends and family against me, and possibly some of my friends and family too. He had everyone thinking I was crazy and obsessed, all the while nobody knew about the abuse, lies and betrayal. No one knew about all the secrets my intuition was telling me he was keeping from me. Hell, me investigating or “so called stalking” was my desperate attempt to obtain the truth and get closure. Every time he got caught cheating, he would lie, flip out on me and make it seem like I needed help for even implying that he was stepping out on me. Months and sometimes years later, when the evidence would come to the surface, he would get mad and curse me out for for finding out the truth. Like who does that? Having to experience all that made me lose so much confidence and respect for myself. I let myself down by giving another person that type of power over me. I didn’t want to be another statistic—a single mom—left to do it all on her own with no support system. Nobody wants to be left in the dark, knowing full well that something shady had taken place. That’s one of the hardest parts about betrayal coming from an emotionally unavailable person; they’re not ever going to tell you the truth. You may never know the full story unless they get caught red-handed, and even then, if they’re really toxic, they will lie and gaslight you and tell you, you didn’t actually see what you saw. If you’re not crazy, you will be crazy after dealing with that. Now, don’t get me wrong, I had started becoming a little toxic myself. Accusing your spouse of cheating because he already did it several times previously is wrong…but it’s actually a normal occurrence that many people experiencing infidelity goes through. However, I also realized that some of my acting out was due to being repeatedly gaslighted, cheated on, and lied too. So in the medical field, some might say that what I displayed was reactive abuse. After years of physical, mental and emotional abuse, I’m surprised all I did was accuse him of cheating repeatedly after observing anything looking suspicious. Being degraded, verbally attacked, and mind-fucked on a constant basis really wears you down. Not to mention the damage of being exposed to psychological warfare, violence, thousands of dollars in property damage, and having everyone turn on you in favor of the person who was actually the real aggressor. But hey, (shrugs shoulders), two people arguing and going at it, looks like two fools from a distance. The family and friends who did know what was going in the end showed their true feelings. Nobody cared. Nobody gave a flying fuck, nor did they care what was happening to me or my children. Being isolated while going through domestic violence, struggling with depression, being blacklisted, repeatedly hacked, monitored, gang-stalked and possibly exposed to an illegal research project committing crimes against humanity, is enough to send even the strongest person over the edge….to be continued

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